Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
