she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
