Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
