I wish my penis had an off switch
there was a trapeze. enough said
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
