this just has baby written all over it
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
