Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
