She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
