OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
