it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
