He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
