i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
