ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
