she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
COCAINE IS GR8
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
