Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
