don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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