so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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