I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
