everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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