dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
