Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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