not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
