just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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