She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize