My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
