I didn't shave. On purpose
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
