Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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