I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
