"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
