the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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