Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
