She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
