New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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