Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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