this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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