No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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