are you so shy because you have an std?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
