even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
