So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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