my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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