someone get that fucking seahorse.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
