I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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