So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it's not cheating when I paid for it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
