So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
how drunk are you?
Several
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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