1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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