I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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