Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
