just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize