They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
