i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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