I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
two words...techno handjob
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
