She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
