Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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