A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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