Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize