I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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