LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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