I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
