she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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