White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
