Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
