Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize