my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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