Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
