I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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