he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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