Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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