kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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