Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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