i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
