she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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