Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
