I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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