I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
