You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My vagina is officially offended.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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