i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
