my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
