What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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