you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
