i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
