the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Shame is for Republicans.
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