My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
