i barfeds in our rink
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
