Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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