o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
