i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
