Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
