i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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