apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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