I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
