Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
