my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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