Cold hands, warm shart.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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